


Harry Potter and Snake-man

by peskylilcritter



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Relationships, Children, Confusion, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2021-01-14 17:39:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21179570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peskylilcritter/pseuds/peskylilcritter
Summary: This can't possibly be a Muggle shop.In which Harry just so happens to find A.Z.Fell and Co. Featuring Lily Luna, aged six months.





	Harry Potter and Snake-man

**Author's Note:**

> ive been wanting desperately to write and ive been unable to get out so much as a flippin grocery list but this idea popped into my head, i did some quick math to see how the canons would line up, and somehow sat down and wrote 2k without stopping.
> 
> of course its crack that did the trick smh

It is, Harry will insist later, a touch defensively, an easy mistake to make.

Really, he should’ve known better.

*

A thump has Harry suddenly upright, wand in hand, before he realizes its Ron and there’s a new stack of scrolls on Harry’s desk.

Ron’s settling into his chair across from Harry, shaking his head. “Mate, that’s the fifth time this week you’ve fallen asleep at your desk and it's only Tuesday. Maybe you should take some time off.”

Harry opens his mouth to protest and yawns.

Ron gives him a pointed look so reminiscent of Hermione that Harry almost wants to check for polyjuice.

“I’ll be fine,” Harry says, shaking his head. “You know what James is like when he’s sick and he keeps waking up the baby. Things’ll settle down soon enough.”

Ron snorts. “They’d better. ‘Mione’d have your bollocks if she’s stuck alone with Rose and Hugo because you’re too tired to watch my back.”

The thought of Hermione’s retaliation makes Harry cringe, which makes him flush because he’s twenty-seven years old, married and the father of three, and his best friend shouldn’t still be able to make him feel like she’s caught him filching cookies. Besides, Ginny’s much scarier and he married her.

Still. He sighs and nods. “Alright, alright, I’ll take some leave.”

*

That’s where it starts, hindsight will tell Harry later. Of course, Harry’s never had better vision than in hindsight.

*

He takes the Floo home because Ron’s right. He’s sleep-deprived and unfocused; apparating in this state would be stupid at best and fatal at worst.

As always, he stumbles a little upon arrival but manages to keep it quiet. Lucky that, he thinks, watching Ginny frown a little in her sleep, Lily curled up between her and the back of the couch. They must’ve fallen asleep while Lily was nursing which begs the question: where are Al and James?

A quick check of the house turns up nothing, and a mildly paranoid check of the wards shows them undisturbed. Which means the boys are probably with Molly in a somewhat futile attempt to keep them out of mischief.

He goes back to the living room and considers firecalling before shaking his head and sinking into his favourite armchair.

A moment later he’s on his feet again. Really, after four years he should know better than to sit down without checking if one of his children has left a toy unattended.

“Mum?” Ginny says behind him, slurred with sleep.

Harry steps over to drop a kiss on her forehead. “No, love, just me.”

She smiles without opening her eyes. “Kiss me properly, then.”

“As my lady commands,” Harry murmurs, and obeys.

For a while, there are no words at all.

Then Lily yawns and smacks a hand on Harry’s left cheek.

Chuckling, Harry straightens, then groans when his back protests.

Ginny, snickering now, gets to her feet, Lily in her arms, and drops a kiss on the same cheek. “Come on, then, I’m hungry,” she says, walking toward the kitchen. “And I’d like to know why you’re home early.”

While Ginny sets out plates and glasses, Harry fixes sandwiches and relates his conversation with Ron.

Once he’s done Ginny picks up one of the sandwiches and says, “Sensible, my brother. Suppose he must’ve picked it up from Hermione because Merlin knows where else he’d get it from.”

Harry laughs. “Oh, come on, it must run in the family somewhere, just look at Bill.”

“No, he’s as much a fool as the rest of us. He hides it better but he also became a cursebreaker for Gringotts.”

“That’s fair, I suppose.” Harry takes another bite of his own sandwich, considering. “Keep in mind Ron became an Auror and Hermione’s an Unspeakable. I don’t know if you’d call that sensible.”

Ginny shrugs, grinning. “Well, even Hermione’s got limits.”

Harry grins right back.

*

These days, Harry’s rarely in Muggle London unless work leads him there but Lily’s asleep in the harness on his chest and he’s finished the errand that took him to Diagon Alley so he gives in to the urge to wander aimlessly for a while.

He nods to Hannah on the way through the Leaky Cauldron, pausing by the door to transfigure his robes to something less noticeable, and steps out.

His wandering takes him to a jewellery store where a pair of earrings catch his eye, then through a coffee shop where he orders tea to go, and into a toy store having a post-Christmas sale. Lily wakes up during this last and spends the whole time staring around wide eyed and babbling while Harry attempts to choose between little race cars and Legos. The race cars win because he suspects Ginny might curse him if he got the Legos and she ever stepped on one.

The bookshop he finds ten minutes later catches his attention for no reason he can immediately pinpoint. It’s old and dusty, and when he gets close enough to read the sign on the door his eyebrows go up in surprise.

This can’t possibly be a Muggle shop.

He looks down at Lily and weighs his options. She looks away from the cars in the street to grin up at him, all pink gums and bright eyes, and makes a happy little gurgling noise.

Well, if she starts fussing he’ll just leave and come back another time.

He opens the door with a little bell chime and looks around once, checking for potential threats and exits out of habit.

Then he gets a closer look at the nearest shelf of books and immediately wonders what Hermione would say if he brought her here.

“Can I help you, young man?”

Harry turns to look at the speaker. He’s middle-aged, a bit soft around the middle. His eyes are very light, maybe blue and his short hair is white-blond and curly. And Harry is quite certain that style of suit’s gone out of fashion even for wizards.

“No need,” he answers. “I’m just satisfying my curiosity.”

“I see.” The man unlinks his fingers and puts his hands behind his back, a look on his face like he’s expecting to be tricked. “And what, may I ask, are you so curious about?”

Harry shrugs. “Your opening hours, mostly. Your sign is very unusual and- Well, my curiosity’s both inherited and an occupational hazard. You’re the owner, then?”

The man nods. “Ezra Fell, yes.”

“Harry Potter, pleased to meet you.” He offers his hand.

Fell hesitates just long enough for Harry to notice, then accepts the handshake. “I’m afraid I’ll be closing soon, so I think you’d better leave.”

Harry nods. “D’you mind if I have a quick look around? I won’t be long; got to get the little one home before she gets hungry.” He gestures at Lily who obligingly bounces a bit and waves her little fists around.

Fell’s gaze slides from Harry’s face down to Lily and his expression melts into something soft and wondering. “Hello, little one,” he says, and steps closer to offer her one of his fingers.

She shrieks happily and grabs it and sticks it in her mouth to chew on. Fell lets her do it with a besotted smile.

Harry watches the whole thing with mild suspicion and mounting confusion until he notices a small black serpentine head peeking out of Fell’s collar. The snake hisses and Fell says, absently, “You know I’ve a soft spot for babies, as long as I’m not responsible for them.”

Fell’s wrist is in his grip and Harry’s taken a step back before he’s consciously decided to do so. He’s still staring at the snake. “What,” he says, “the fuck.”

Fell jumps, clearly surprised, and the snake hisses, “Quite.”

*

An easy mistake to make, really. But Harry knows what they say about assumptions.

*

They end up in the back room, drinking tea.

Well, Fell drinks his tea. Harry holds his cup and stares at him.

“I didn’t realize there were other Parselmouths around,” Harry says when it becomes clear that Fell’s not going to break the silence first.

Fell clears his throat, looking a bit embarrassed. “I’m not. I’m just.” He hesitates, gestures a bit vaguely, then continues, “We’ve just known one another a long time.”

“Really.” Harry says flatly.

“He’s not even a wizard,” the snake hisses from Fell’s collar.

Harry glares at it. “And how would you know that?”

The snake’s head sways, somehow giving the impression of an eyeroll. “We’ve known each other a very long time.”

“Assuming I believe that. Then explain to me how a common snake knows anything about wizards.”

The snake hisses laughter and slithers down Fell’s arm. Fell moves his hand so the snake ends up on the sofa next to him. A moment later a man is sitting in its place.

“Who said anything about common?”

Whatever reaction Harry might’ve had is interrupted by Lily making unhappy little noises as she sucks on her fist. Getting her settled in the crook of his arms with a bottle of warm milk takes several minutes and by the time Lily’s greedily gulping down milk Harry’s mostly calm again.

Neither Fell nor his friend has moved. Head still turned to Lily, Harry gives himself a moment to observe them.

Snake-man’s hair is the sort of bright fiery red common to the Weasleys but he has no freckles. His eyes are hidden behind black sunglasses but Harry can read his expression and body language just fine. Deliberately relaxed to cover the anxiety, a bit distracted, presumably by Lily. Like Fell, he’s clearly got a soft spot for babies. Does it come with the same qualifier?

“I’m not a wizard either,” snake-man says.

Harry stares at him.

Fell puts his hand on the man’s thigh and says, “Really, dear, must you?”

Snake-man grins, “I must.” But he takes Fell’s hand and twines their fingers, and the way he’s looking at Fell...

Harry recognizes that look. He sees it most frequently on Ginny; generally receiving that look inspires the same expression on his own face.

Still, the snake thing makes no sense. “Look, stop flirting and give me a reason not to arrest you. Or call the Obliviators.”

Snake-man keeps grinning and shrugs. “Eh, feel free.” Fell elbows him and glares. “Well, alright then. I’m a retired demon of hell. And he’s a retired angel. You couldn’t arrest us if you tried, your magic doesn’t work on us, and we haven’t actually broken any laws.”

Fell flushes spectacularly. “Well, not any important ones anyway.”

Snake-man pauses, considering. “Ah, yes, true. Not like anyone’d try to enforce that one these days, though.”

“And which law, exactly, are you talking about?”

Snake-man grins once more, although this one’s less mischief and more leering. “Oh, you don’t want to know, kid.” Next to him, Fell’s flush deepens and spreads as he leans back to stare accusingly at the ceiling.

Harry rolls his eyes and thanks his luck that he inherited dad’s skin tone more than mum’s; harder to see the answering flush on his brown skin. “Any chance you can prove that ridiculous demon and angel story?” Probably best to ignore the flirting.

Snake-man and Fell exchange a long look. Then Fell stands up, looking at Harry. “Will wings do?” he asks, and then they’re there, two huge white wings. Some of the feathers look like they might be longer than Harry’s arm.

He knows he’s staring and it’s possible his mouth is hanging open. “Holy shitballs.”

Snake-man starts snickering.

Fell looks long-suffering and then the wings are gone again.

Harry adjust his hold on Lily and leans back to stare at the ceiling. “That’s... Bloody hell.”

Fell coughs the way people do when they’re trying not to laugh.

Lily lets go of the bottle and immediately starts waving around all of her limbs. Harry lifts her to his shoulder and gently pats her back.

He’s sitting in an angel’s bookshop. By the looks of it, the angel has a demon boyfriend or husband, whatever they call themselves. He just saw an angel’s wings, live and in person.

Lily spits up on his shoulder.

“You know, I hadn’t thought my life could get more ridiculous.”

“Perhaps you should go home, Mr. Potter,” Fell says.

“Yes,” Harry says, “perhaps I should. See you around, Mr. Fell.” He gets to his feet. “Snake-man.” He nods at them, then turns on his heel and disapparates.

*

“Rather a nice young man,” Aziraphale says, staring at the empty air where the boy disappeared.

On the sofa, Crowley sputters. “Snake-man! That little bugger! Snake-man!”

“You didn’t bother to introduce yourself, dear,” Aziraphale says mildly. With a wave of his hand all three teacups are back in the cupboard, perfectly clean.

“But, Snake-man!”

Aziraphale walks through the shop to turn the sign to ‘Closed’. “Yes, I heard him.” It’s early still but Crowley’s indignant sputtering will take some time to calm down and Aziraphale wouldn’t mind an early dinner.

But maybe he’ll keep the shop open more often for the next week or two, just in case that young man comes back for a chat. With any luck, he’ll bring his little girl too.

**Author's Note:**

> im sleep deprived so forgive the title


End file.
